Three First Steps To Create Change In An Area Of Dissatisfaction

Some of you may have seen a very very long Instagram story of mine recently. A story in which I shared a whole lot about me being unsatisfied in view areas of my life – one in particular. It felt a little bit like a throwback to me – back to 2012 when I started to create change. In big ways. Back then I wasn’t happy with my life, with myself and I started to create change. In fact, that is when my whole personal growth journey began.
And as I was writing in my journal that Thursday I began to feel similar to this about one main area in my life: work or better say productivity.

As I was journaling I realized what a big area of frustration and negativity this was for me. And it wasn’t about my job, it was about being productive and getting things done. You guys can probably imagine that my plate is pretty full with a full-time job and coaching&this blog on the side. I’ve been overcoming a lot of fears over the months – for instance, I finally overcame fears keeping me from working as a life coach and finally started to work as such –  and I am crystal clear about my vision, yet I’ve spent more times than I can count lazy on the couch doing nothing and distracting myself from doing the work. The work I am loving to do. So as I was sitting there it became very clear to me that it was time to tackle this. And so I did.

Now the thing is I know I am not the only one. I know that a lot of us face times like this. And maybe even you too. Maybe you are unsatisfied at the moment with something – well, you are not alone in this, I am too. It might not be your productivity, but maybe it is fitness or relationship or your job. It can be anything. And it can feel overwhelming, doesn’t it? It sure as heck did for me. That Thursday back then I began to do the work, I started to get clear about what was bothering me and I shared those steps with you on Instagram. But Instagram stories, they fade, their gone after 24h, my blog isn’t. So for you and also for myself, I am gonna share the steps I went through with you. And let me tell you this, I feel relieved. And, productive! Yes, it’s only been four days, but those four days? I got stuff done, I was productive, I was intentional with my breaks and man does this feel good. I promised you guys to keep you updated and I will, so here’s the first thing. The things we need to do to get started. Started to get tackling an area of life you are unsatisfied with.

  1. Get clear about what you are unsatisfied with

    Before we can start with anything we need to get clear about what it is we are unsatisfied with. You can’t start working when you don’t know what you are working on, can you?
    So grab your journal or a notebook and a pen and start writing. What is bothering you? What is on your heart? And what has for a while? Is it your body? Is it productivity? Is it your nutrition? Is it your friendships? Get crystal clear about it. And get honest.
    Now what I want you to know is that you can create change. And that it is possible for you to achieve what you are unsatisfied with. You can become productive. You can become physically strong. You can become healthy. It’s not a matter of can or can’t, it is a matter of doing, of taking action. And what is keeping us from doing so? Of course, fear! It is fear and our ego keeping us from doing the work and from taking action. And this is the key to it. The key to finally take action. I strongly believe so. But I also know how hard it can be – otherwise, I wouldn’t have a problem with my productivity, would I? So become clear about your fears. What is keeping you from taking action? What mindset, what beliefs are in your way?
    I know it ain’t easy to get honest about this, but by being honest to yourself and by naming your fear, you will already feel such a relief. You are already taking the first step. Because knowing about them will help you to see what an illusion they are most of the times. And it will help you to see that you have a choice and that you have to decide against your fears.

    I want you guys to really understand what I am talking about here. So I will also tell you about what I experienced that Thursday. To give you an example. To help my words to come to life. 
    So I was sitting on the couch, watching YouTube when I suddenly thought I should maybe take my journal and write down what was subconsciously going on as I was distracting myself with YouTube. As I was doing so, writing all my thoughts down, I understood that my productivity hasn’t been its best lately and that I was very very frustrated about it. It bothered me and it made me unhappy. And it had been a source of negativity and unhappiness for quite some time. While writing I started to ask myself what has been keeping me from taking action, because in my two weeks fall break, for example, there was one thing I had: time. So time wasn’t an issue. I wrote that question on the page and as I was doing so it became clear to me, that it had been fear keeping me from doing the work. The fear of failing my teacher training if I would write a blog post. The fear of disappointing my family. There had been constructs in my mind, for instance, this one – it’s big: I thought or told myself that if I wouldn’t use my time for school (even if I had no task to do on that hand), I also couldn’t use my time to write a blog post or do anything for So This Is What. Since I didn’t want to do anything for school, I also wasn’t “allowed” to do creative work. You see how strange this is? How it doesn’t fully make sense? Well that my friends is how your ego works. 

  2. Define the area

    Now that you’ve poured your heart onto the page, it is time to define the are in which you experience unsatisfaction. I grabbed a blank notebook to write this down (which is now always lying on my desk to remind me of those learnings), but you can write this down wherever you want. You may have already thought about this while journaling, but I want you to get really clear about this. What is the area you want to work on? What does it include? How is it defined? Not for anyone else, but for you. For instance when you realized that it is your fitness you want to work on, is it only the fitness or is it also the nutrition? When you discovered you want to work on your friendships, is it one in particular or is it all of them? Are relationships included?
    Get really really clear about this. Remember those days at school when you always had to memorize definitions? Well, there is a reason why any subject always starts with that.

    So for me, I realized I was unhappy with my work, meaning my productivity and how I handled all my work. So I had to define “work”. What did that mean for me? Was it only my day job? Was it my blog? What was it? I discovered that “work” included multiple things for me: the work from my teacher training, aka school stuff, my business, aka this blog, coaching etc., fitness, learning and spiritual work. I listed those things down and then I also wrote what they then included. For instance, with learning I mean reading books, taking notes, listening to podcast. That is work that I want to do in order to grow. Or my spiritual work, it includes meditation, journaling or reading in A Course In Miracles. I defined all of those areas also asking myself why I even wanted to do them, why they were important to me.

  3. How can you create change?

    I am sure that as you’ve been going through the first two exercises you already had ideas about what you could do to create change. Most of the times we already know what we want to do, it’s just a matter of doing so – aka overcoming the fear that is keeping us from doing so. So now write those things down. What can you do to create change? Write them down, but also be realistic. There are always a million different things we want to do, but it is also a matter of life if it’s realistic if you can do so. So get honest about that.

    I had a ton of ideas and I wrote them all down. It was small things like “buy new workout clothes” to get motivated to get back into a running routine. But there were also bigger things. I would love to get up early again, to have time in the morning to write my morning pages and meditate, to have a morning routine that focused on myself and not only about getting ready for work. I know how amazing it was back when I was into the Miracle Morning (you can read all about the Miracle Morning HERE, HERE and HERE), but with school starting so early I stopped doing it. I still believe it will help me. And I am willing to try. That will mean that I have to wake up at 5 am in the morning, and while this is so early, I am willing to try. And I will see if it works if it is realistic for me right now. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. I will see. But at least, I will have tried. 

    Play around with your ideas. All of this is supposed to be fun, it is not about adding stress – we all have enough of that. It is about creating change. Step by step. Little by little. The things you are writing down right now, you will have to test them. You will have to test if they are working for you. Just as I will try if waking up at 5am is really working for me, you have to try if your ideas are working for you. Looking at this as a game, as fun, has been helping me this weekend to rise early. Some mornings I didn’t snooze, some mornings I did. And laughed about it. I am not perfect, neither are you. So don’t stress yourself. Try, fail, reflect on it, get up again and never forget to smile along the ways.

As promised I will keep you updated. For now just telling you all of this in my Instagram stories and now, and your request for updates has been helping me to keep accountable, to take action. So I have to tell you guys a big THANK YOU for your messages and interest. It means so much to me, and I know this sounds lame, but it truly does. Without you, I would have probably stopped all of this work a long time ago.
If you want a little bit of accountability as well, share what you’ve learned through those steps in the comments below. And then comment on each other’s comments, let’s be there for each other, let’s be each others cheerleaders. And when the next blog post with an update comes, we’ll check in again with each others progress. Let’s have fun with this

I love you guys,

xx Ronja


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