Today I stepped into a bookstore, following my intuition that guided me there. In there I found a book from one of my favorite authors, Haruki Murakami. The funny thing is, I haven’t read much from him. But one book I did. “What I talk about when I talk about running”. Amazing. Especially when you are running or wanting to become a runner.
The book I am reading now it’s about writing, being an author (and earning your money from it). It’s fascinating. He is fascinating.
So as I was sitting there, drinking a cup of tea and reading his words, I stumbled upon a passage pretty early in the book in which he talks about the characteristics of authors. He says there that authors might not always be the quickest at comprehension, the most clever. It felt like an affront. At first. But then I began to think about it and I started to agree with what he says. I do believe that what I am doing here, writing this to you, writing all of the other things I’ve written and starting to write my first novel (only in my head so far! Too scared to type it down.), I do feel that it is an intense, a heavy work. One that needs a lot of headspaces, a lot of back an forth, fighting through the dark, pushing and pulling. He brings in the word efficiency and that’s just it. It’s not an efficient work. And when you look at it from that perspective, it isn’t that clever either. Because writing, it does take so much work, so much back and forth. So while at first, I took it as an affront the more and more I thought about it the more I could take it as a fact, as a compliment. I am not in the cooperate world, in the corner office, making decisions in all efficiency – that’s not where I belong or at least that’s not where I feel drawn to. That’s not what I envision. I am envisioning myself right here, at the laptop, typing, erasing, creating chaos in my mind while working this out. And that takes time. Time and a whole lot of passion.
And then I remembered the voice message from my friend in which she asked me (and herself mostly) why she couldn’t bring herself to take action about things. Actions to make her dreams come true. A question I ask myself a million times each day. A question that adds so much pressure on myself. A question that stresses me out, brings me to judge myself and question my talent and capabilities. Why can’t I take action?
It’s a question I don’t find answers to out there. I feel its something that isn’t even often addressed. It almost feels as if you would admit something bad when you say out loud that you struggle to do the work sometimes – no cross that, not sometimes, all the time. Immediately the ego pops in – or maybe the people even say that out loud – that you not being able to do the work only means that it’s not the right work. Please, can someone tell me who introduced this assumption to society and can someone please tell me how we can erase this? In my humble opinion, that’s just bs. Just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it is wrong.
Maybe the people that are setting the pace at the creative level are maybe just not my kind of people, or the ones of my friend, or you. Maybe the pace they set is a pace that we cannot keep up with. And we don’t have to. Let’s drop trying to catch up.
For some people yes, they might always wake up falling right into action-mode, spending the day busy working, being efficient and running a high pace. The thing is, that’s not me. I need those long times frames in which it feels like I am doing nothing when in fact my subconscious is doing everything. I need those times in which I walk around and give my muse time to speak up. And then once an idea pops in, I need time to think and analyze and see what comes up. That my friends, it isn’t efficient, I could be writing the words down immediately, creating a post and publishing it. But that’s not how I work. That’s not how my creativity works. I am not saying that here and there I could tweak my efficiency, but overall I am just not the kind of girl that runs at a high pace all day long.
The advice I gave to my friend after I listened to her voice message is an advice a friend once gave me. You don’t have to do anything. This is not supposed to keep you from your work or passion. This is supposed to let go of the pressure. Because think about it, you really don’t have to do any of the things you feel you need to do. And the moment you understand that you open up to what you actually want to do. Before you know it, you’ll sit at your desk, writing that post, without thinking twice. Just like me right now.
So maybe you and I, we need to accept that we work at a leisurely unhurried pace. And that we are beautiful this way. Just look at Haruki Murakami, 30 years in the business, a ton of novels written, isn’t he someone to look up to? He is to me.
So let’s let go of the pressure. Let’s let go of the idea of running at a high pace all day. Let’s drop trying to catch up in a game we aren’t playing. Let’s take big breaths and long pauses to let creativity speak up and to let the intuition come through. After all, I wouldn’t even be sitting here, wouldn’t I have gone on a leisurely walk to buy errands, listening to my intuition, gone into that bookstore, buying the book that in the end brought me back to sit here at my desk writing this.
Have a wonderful weekend!