The Ego 101

For a long time I’ve been meaning to write or talk about the ego, to explain what I mean by that, what the ego is and how I came to do this beautiful work. I don’t know why it took me so long – the answer seems like a perfect fit for today’s post: of course the ego! As I was showering this morning I saw the blog post, I knew what I had to write and what I wanted to say. My intuition paid me a visit and I am so grateful she did. So shall we dive in? This post I am trying something different. I am adding a little bit more structure to it, asking myself the question I think some of you might ask me if we would be having coffee together. I guess the first thing you would ask is this: What is the ego? So I’ll start here and we shall see where we end up. Oh, and stay tuned until the end, I had a fantastic idea for a little project this summer…

What is the ego?

When I first heard this term, I had no clue what it meant. I thought it had something to do with being egoistic. But that’s not it. Here’s how I understand it, my explanation, my definition:

From what I discovered we all have two sides within us: the intuition, inner goddess, our inner guidance system, our inner spirit (I use all of those terms, always depending on what fits best in that moment) and we have the ego. Now the inner goddess comes from love, deep, pure love, light. She has all the answers, knows all the truth, knows exactly what we are supposed to do, say and be. She knows it all. She is loving and kind, easy and at peace, soft and gentle. On the other hand, we have the ego. Now the ego is that little (or loud) voice within us, that is trying to hold us back, trying to keep us down, trying to keep us safe. It is our crazy thinking, thinking without love and separating us from our inner guide. And, this is the important part, it is an illusion. Meaning: what it says, isn’t real.

What does your ego say?

Now that we figured out a little bit more about the ego, have a better sense about it and you heard me say that it is our crazy thinking, the question probably crossed your mind what the ego could say. This is different to all of us, just as we are all different, all having different stories and experiences we made. I can’t say what your ego says. But I can give you an example of what my ego says. Some of it might feel familiar to you, some might be far away from what you feel. Just go with the flow, note what feels familiar, were something (your ego!) reacts and forget about the rest. Here’s a look at my ego’s words:

You are not good enough.

You will fail again, now that you once failed an exam, you will always be at risk to fail an exam.

You are not strong enough, you are small and little and incapable.

You cannot reach your dreams. You simply cannot.

You shouldn’t write and publish this post, you might get hurt.

Those are just a few examples, some you might even see within yourself, and they only show a little glimpse of all the ego has to say each day. You got a better sense of it, right?

What do you mean when you say it is an illusion?

Now please read through the ego’s words above once again… all done? Now let me ask you this: Who say’s that? Who say’s that you are not strong enough, good enough? That you can’t do that? Who defines that about you? Exactly! No one!
This is an illusion. What the ego says is just an illusion. It is a concept, a word he creates because he wants you to be safe. Save from getting hurt, save from reexperiencing something you experienced as a child. But still, what he says isn’t real. It doesn’t have to be. Just as you would always tell your best friends that she is being stupid, that she can do this, that she is strong enough, you can tell this yourself. You can create a different reality, one in which love wins.

Now this sounds like a lot of work, why should I even use my energy to figure this all out? What do I win by this?

Truly, and I truly mean when I say this: it changes everything. It changed everything for me. I started to work with my ego over two years ago, so don’t be fooled, don’t think it is something to be figured out overnight. The fears I called out above? The things my ego says? Most of them, he doesn’t say anymore. Or if he does I can rise above. I can turn things around which in the end brings me power. So what you, what I gained from this? I found a sense of peace. I understood why certain things seemed so hard for me. I became aware of my patterns. I was able to grow an extremely loving, beautiful relationship. I am able to be here right now, writing you this, working on my dream, creating my business. I overcame the crazy. And I learned, and I am still learning to take action against it, to go the opposite of what my ego says, to take first action steps towards my dreams. And by learning all of this, by getting to know my ego, I grew into an even more intuitive person, growing a strong connection to my intuition.

Okay, you convinced me, but now how do I work this this? What do I do now?

The thing is this: You already made the first important step. You are here. For whatever reason you came here, you read through those words. Because your intuition guided you to be here. Which means you are ready. You are ready to do the work. So you can relax, you can take a big breath and lean back.

Before you can turn things around, before you can change things up, you need to become aware of your ego. What story does it tell? Remember when I wrote above that you should pay attention to my ego thoughts that triggered something in you? That’s exactly how you get to know your little ego. Every time you read something, hear something and you feel that little bit of negativity come up, that un-well feeling? That is your ego. That is your ego doing its work.

For now as a start into this self discovery, all I am asking you is to become aware of it. To take a moment each day and reflect if there have been moments you noticed your ego. You witnessed how his argumentation kept you from doing something or convinced you to do something else. Maybe write it down, or just note it.

Get to know your ego. Become friends. And just as when you grow a new friendship, you start chatting, you listen, you get to know each other. You can do just that with your ego too.

After reading all of this I am starting to hate my ego, to truly dislike it…

Now this is important to know: your ego isn’t your enemy. It might seem this way, but it isn’t. We don’t want you to build up even more negativity, right? But growing hate and dislike does just that, it adds negativity. We don’t want that. The ego is your friend. A good friend truly because all he wants is to keep you safe. Look at him as your protector. Remember how your parents said “Don’t do this. It’s dangerous!”? They love you so deeply, they care so much that all they want is for you to be safe. And your ego is just like that.



So in the end, the ego is what is separating us from our inner goddess, our intuition. It’s what keeps you safe. But it’s also what keeps you from stepping into your full potential, from creating a most fantastic life. A life ruled by love rather than fear.

I hope this serves you. If you have any further questions or anything to add and share from your personal experience, please leave a comment below. I know somethings are very personal, that you might not want to share with the public, then feel free to always reach out to me via email at

And I have some exciting news that I want to share with you, despite of my ego freaking out as I type this. Over the past few weeks I realigned with my calling, with something I’ve known I am supposed to do for years and that I already worked on last year and then lost again: This desire to work as a life coach. And as I was writing this post I got this amazing inspiration. I know this post is a first, but in order to fully support and help you, I need to work with you. The idea was born to create a little summer program in which we work together on discovering and getting to know your ego, to listen to the stories it has to say and to make first steps towards choosing love over it. So behind the scenes I am working on creating this program. It will be only limited to a small group of you and it will be set for a specific time. For now as a first step towards this career, I am committed to, I am offering this program for free. It is a trial run and I don’t see fit to set up a fee. I am offering my service for free, which will change in the future. For now that’s just a little teaser. So please, if this resonates with you, be sure to check out my Instagram stories. This is where I share lots of insight, it’s where you will get to know me best so you can see if working with me feels right to you. I am truly so excited about all of this and I can’t wait to get started! If you already know that you would love to work with me on this then please please please let me know (here, via mail or Instagram Direct Message) so I can better set everything up and try to work with as many as I can. Better knowledge equaling better planning. THANK YOU!

xx Ronja

Note: As you may have noticed I sometimes use “he” when I talk about my ego. That’s just the way I discovered my ego to be. For me, it is masculine. This might be different to you. As you become aware of your ego, you will also discover this. You can even give your ego a name (with my dear friend Theresa we actually like to call him “Egon”).

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