How To Let Go Of Judgment And Comparison Triggered By Friends

This is going to be a difficult topic to write and speak about. It is something a lot of us, including myself, are ashamed of. When we start to witness that we get triggered by our friends to judge and compare ourselves, when all off a sudden a lot of negative energy rises within. Before you read any further, know this: You are not alone in this. I’ve been having lots of those moments in the past and as difficult as it is, I think it’s time to speak up about it.

We all have them. Friends. Strangers. Family members. People we know online. People we’ve only met once. People we see on the streets. The ones who trigger us. Good or bad.

There are the once who trigger us to bring out the best in us. I have a few friends, maybe a handful or two, who truly always trigger me to bring out the best in me. With them I can fully and completely be myself. I feel supported and loved. Cared for and thought of. Those friends they would fight for me, no matter what. Just like the Universe, they have my back. Always.

And then there are the ones that trigger us – not always in the best way. They bring out our jealousy, our most unloving selfs. We feel jealous. We feel alone. We feel unsupported. We feel like we could never be whatever we admire about them. We feel below. Our self esteem goes down to 0 or in the worst case below. I have those. Not gonna lie. A few in fact. They change from time to time and it really depends on where I am at in life if I get triggered or not. As bad as it feels to say it out loud. It’s the truth.

I don’t have the answer. Of course I wish to one day be so spiritually aligned, so strong within, so connected to myself, that I would never get triggered anymore. Right now I don’t have the ONE answer. But of course I thought about it and I know this: all this is, is the ego. Those are moments we choose fear over love. Those are the moments we align with our ego, all its nasty thoughts and illusions, rather than following our inner goddess, our inner most loving self. I suppose those people trigger us because of childhood memories. They remind us of others, people who we once met who hurt us. Deeply. So our inner child reacts when it meets people who seem to be quite similar to those people from the past. So while I always want to judge myself for letting my ego rule the show, for not finding a loving thought, maybe all we need in those moments is to acknowledge and support our inner child. To accept that once in the past we got hurt. Deeply. And that pain, it left a scar. So invisible we might not even be aware of it. We might not even be able to recall what happened. So our inner child is hurt and it reacts. Just like any child would do. Screaming and fighting and getting all angry upset, emotional.

Now what would you do if a small kid would start screaming and fighting? Yes! You would try to calm it down, you would talk to it in the most loving and calm way, you would give it a hug. Why don’t you hug yourself instead of beating yourself up? Be gentle with yourself, your inner child. Start to become aware of it. See what happens. Look at yourself and your reaction instead of beating yourself up about it. Be willing to learn from this. Why did this trigger you? And what does it trigger? How do you feel? What thoughts can you catch?

Something else I discovered in the past few weeks: It truly helps to speak up about it. Don’t freak out now. Stay with me here. You don’t have to do so and I know that this is very difficult and not easy to do. All I am suggesting is to see if there is someone very close to you, someone you trust and who you know will always support you, someone you feel save with. Maybe, just maybe you will find the courage to speak up. I know it takes courage, and I also know that speaking up to the right one can change it all. You might discover that you are not alone, that in fact your friend feels the exact same way about it. You might understand or discover why you even felt triggered in the first place.

Lastly, forgive yourself. For all the nasty thoughts. For all the judgment, the jealously. For all of it. Forgive yourself. How? Take a piece of paper and a pen or simply do it in your mind and say out loud (or write it down – whatever feels better to you) “I forgive myself for all of the unloving thoughts about xxx. For all of the judgement I placed upon myself and xxx. For all of the nasty thoughts, the jealousy, the ugly truth. I forgive myself for all of it.” And then, move on. Step away from the ego’s thoughts and move on. And if the bad thoughts come back? Forgive yourself again. Say it out loud, write it down and move on again. As long as you need.

This is nothing we will solve overnight. And we don’t have to. Not at all. As always, let’s create small progress, little by little, step by step.

xx Ronja