It is snowing outside as I am typing this. Finally. I know for some people snow is rather an annoyance but for me it’s magical. I love snow. I still remember my first year at University when a friend was visiting me and it started to snow for the first time and the two of us, excited like little kids, grabbed our jackets, ran outside and danced in the snow. And another time when friends and I went out to party and hadn’t realized the snowfall while drinking our wine and then walked to the club for hours (it usually only takes 15 min), because we had to stop every five meters to make snow angels and take pictures and have snow fights. We arrived at the club soaking wet and as happy as we could only be. Now that I think about it I have a lot of very happy memories around snow. Just as the sea, snow seems to be one of my happy places so to speak.
So I am sitting here with a cup of tea, cuddled up in a blanket, a big scarf wrapped around my throat, slowly healing my tonsillitis and writing this for you.
I’ve realized over the past few days that I am not good at being sick. I somehow can’t allow myself to be. Maybe because it truly came as a surprise this time – but then again when does being sick doesn’t come as a surprise? I had plans for the week. A lot of work to do. A lot of work I wanted to do for my business. But then I spent a few days in bed, sleeping 11h each night, watching How To Get Away With Murder on Netflix, taking naps. Feeling restless and if I wasn’t allowed to do this.
Yesterday I researched the spiritual meaning of a tonsilitis. I am not sure how much I believe in it, and I am never going to be one who denies the medicine a doctor prescribes because I think I can heal everything with my thoughts, yet I found it extremely interesting. From the little bit of research I’ve done – and I cannot say if those a “serious” resources (here and here) – I read that any illness in our throat area has to do with the throat chakra, which basically is all about communication. And we will experience congestion’s in our throat when we are not speaking our truth or when we speak what we feel other’s want us to say. I did get goosebumps when I read this because just last week – three days before I woke up with a throat completely in pain – I used the words “I cannot hide anymore, I cannot swallow my words down anymore, I am done hiding” in beautiful conversations I had. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, maybe it isn’t. It did get me thinking though…
There are areas of my life that I hide. This right here for example. This blog was born five years ago and it transformed into something I never ever thought it would. I remember the time when almost none of my friends knew about my blog. They do now. But what a lot of people don’t know is what I am dreaming to transform this in. I hide it. When people ask me what I do, I don’t always respond with my truth. When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I don’t list them all the beautiful work I’ve done for my business. When people ask me if I have time and I say no I hide the fact that I can’t because I have to write a blog post, take images, answer emails. I hide it away. But I am done.
In 2017 there was so much personal growth. I truly feel as if I build my basis, a basis I can always come back to. And when I brainstormed goals for this year the words “speaking my truth” and “sharing my light” kept coming up. I don’t know how many times I circled them in my notes – many times.
And just now I realize how beautiful this actually is. 6 years ago I didn’t even know my truth, I wasn’t aware of my inner light. How amazing that I know now, that speaking up is becoming such a pressing desire of mine. And that circles back into my work, because nothing would make me happier than to help you find your inner light, your truth too. SO instead of whining, I can be grateful. Grateful that I have a truth to speak, a light to share and for all the personal growth I have experienced in the last 6 years.
Brené Brown speaks of “Braving The Wilderness” and that’s exactly what it is. Wilderness. Because once we courageously speak our truth and share our light we will find ourselves walking paths that we have never walked along before and that maybe no one around us has ever walked before.
Speaking your truth and doing what you actually desire to do takes courage. And courage cannot exist without fear because in the absence of fear you wouldn’t need courage to do what you desire to do. And that takes energy, a lot of it. And it will include throwbacks. It always does. Sometimes we get thrown back. But you can rise again, brothers and sisters. We can rise. There is this incredible power within, there is the truth within you. Always.
We often, I included, get so caught up in a throwback. We focus on those days that we didn’t get things done when we felt low and disconnected. Let’s start to embrace those days. Let’s not take them too seriously anymore. Let’s laugh about it. Let’s dance. Let’s shake it off. Let’s trust. Let’s have fun.
Courageously going our way.
It will all work out in the end. I am sure.
I am looking out of the window again, it has stopped snowing. The rest of my tea is cold. And after days my heart is full of light again. I wonder if my words are any good. I remember what I wrote at the beginning of the year. My ego is trying to push me to analyze if this way of writing will do any good, you know, for the numbers, the stats, the growth. But I am shaking it off.
I am courageously speaking my truth. Trusting my flow.
I am sending you all the love!
P.s. If you want to be the first to hear any news regarding So This Is What, benefit from content I don’t share anywhere else, get a look at my personal life and most of all be first to receive any updates or open spots regarding my work as a life coach, then you can know sign up for my newsletter – hooray!